Satisfaction Tension

The day I brought my first child home with my wife was an amazing event. I remember holding him as he slept and just sitting and watching as my wife cared for him in his helpless estate. I can remember finding such satisfaction in knowing that he was my child and a gift of God. I had always longed for a child and now I had a firstborn son.

But before long he was not that little helpless babe anymore. He was a crazy little two year old and into everything. Once again the desire to have a little one crept in and we decided it was time for another child. I had not forgotten, nor loved less, my first born, yet the desire for a new little one was in tension with the satisfaction that we already had in our first son.

You know the Christian life presents us with a similar tension. We are to rest in our salvation and to be satisfied in knowing Christ and the grace that has saved us, yet with the constant yearning for something greater. Not to know someone greater but to know him better and be allowed to accomplish more through his power for the kingdom.

How this tension tears at my heart on occasions as I long to do mighty works for the kingdom and at the same time wrestle with the pride of self over the satisfaction of Christ. Do I want to be successful as a pastor so that others will see? Or, do I want to be a successful pastor because it is the desire of God to grow his church?

How I long for God to give me a driving passion for his kingdom that is centered upon his glory and not my own, that I will not confuse success with personal gain, but that success would be the increase of God's glory and the increase of his Renown. I pray that God will let me see great success and that the anointing of the Spirit will be upon my ministry! Oh how I long for his power to flow through me and minister in me.

So the tension remains! I desire to be satisfied completely in Christ and yet stay passionate for more and more. Though the truth remains, the only way to be satisfied in Christ is to know him more and more. I pray that God will give us wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him!

My works have been set out in advance for me to do, the way has already been prepared. Lord, give me the grace that I may faithfully walk in them with a total trust and dependence upon you, for you know the plans you have for me.